


Even While Still Broken

by Alexander_L



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: F/M, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Post-Blue Lions Route (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Romance, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-14 17:49:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28799382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexander_L/pseuds/Alexander_L
Summary: Even though she is not sure a cure is possible, Hapi can't let herself get too close to anyone until it is, even Dimitri who has never been afraid of her. But the waiting is so lonely and if anyone can understand what it feels like to long for intimacy despite it feeling impossible, it is Dimitri.Written for Hapi Week 2021, the prompt 'Freedom.'
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Hapi
Comments: 13
Kudos: 24





	Even While Still Broken

**Author's Note:**

> I wish I had time to write for all the Hapi Week prompts because I adore my favorite Fire Emblem girl! But it was an exhausting week and alas, all I have to offer is this final day prompt! Hope you enjoy a good Hapi rarepair!

Dimitri plunged Areadbhar into the heart of the demonic beast and wrenched it free, wiping the gore from its blade on the creature’s fur. 

As stillness returned to the forest glade, he set the lance down on the grass and turned back to her.

“Hapi?”

She wrapped her arms around her waist and stared down at her feet, biting her lip so hard she could taste a bit of blood.

“Hapi?” he said again in concern, walking over to her. “What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong?” she said with a faint, clipped laugh. “I slipped up. I lost control!”

“You and I have spent much time together and this is the first time it has ever happened. And it was very easily remedied. Please, do not let it distress you. It was no matter to me.”

“I know! I know it takes more than a single demonic beast to make you break a sweat, Didi, but it’s not about that. It’s… I…” She swallowed back her panic and stood up straight, forcing herself to piece back together some semblance of composure. She knew she didn’t have to wear the nonchalant mask around Dimitri; that he could handle her emotions, welcomed them even. But she also knew that the more she let herself get caught up in her anger at herself, the harder and harder it would be to emerge from it. “I don’t like slipping up. I can’t allow it to happen. Ever. Even around someone like you who is not afraid of it.”

Dimitri took another step closer and his black-gloved hand reached out to touch her then fell back to his side.

“I’ve gotten too comfortable around you,” Hapi said. “It’s dangerous.”

“You are my friend,” he insisted. “I wish for you to be comfortable around me, although I understand if you can’t.”

She raised her eyes to meet his and saw disappointment in his expression, although his manner was calm with acceptance. She supposed he of all people understood what it was like to be afraid of hurting people.

What a pair they were… The man who could snap someone’s neck with one hand and the woman whose magic could summon demons. Maybe they really couldn’t be with anyone the way other people could. Or maybe–

Hapi tried to push away the thought _or maybe they were made for each other specifically because of that._ She tried to not let herself think things like that, no matter how tempting it could be when they were spending time together alone and it felt so normal and right and comforting.

“Will you still wander with me for a bit? You do not need to talk if you do not feel like it,” he said.

Hapi nodded and fell into step beside him as they continued their walk through the woods outside Fhirdiad. She knew how Dimitri valued these brief reprieves from his work. She was honored even that he often chose to spend them with her. She should try to not ruin this one anymore than she already had.

For a while they walked together in silence and Hapi stole glances at Dimitri as he looked around at the woods, smiling every so often at a particularly beautiful tree or patch of wildflowers. He seemed content in her presence but she could still sense the distance that rested between them now although they were only a couple feet away from each other. 

He wasn’t like Sylvain or Mercedes who were free with their affection, always leaning on people’s shoulders, hugging, poking, teasing. Hapi wasn’t sure she had really ever touched Dimitri before. And yet she felt close to him nonetheless, comfortable like she was with Yuri and Constance, albeit in a different sort of way. At least she had felt close until she had fucked everything up and summoned a fucking demonic beast in the middle of their nice stroll.

When they reached the banks of a stream, Dimitri paused and knelt down to take off his gloves and wash the blood from them. He tucked them into the pocket of his cloak afterwards but remained on his knees for a moment, studying the water. Then he reached down and fished a small stone from the stream.

“Tell me about this one,” he said, bringing it over and holding it out to her. 

She smiled slightly and took it. He was so booksmart and battlesmart but he didn’t know shit about nature and was always curious about the things she knew.

Studying the stream-smoothed stone, Hapi held it up to the light and noticed the way flecks of it glittered in the light. 

“Good find, Didi. This is gold,” she said.

He raised his eyebrows. “Truly?”

Hapi smirked at him. “Fool’s gold.”

His brow furrowed in confusion and she explained, “Looks like gold but isn’t. It’s worthless money-wise but I think it’s pretty and that gives it some worth, right?”

He smiled. “Indeed.”

She pocketed the stone and sat down on the grass, yanking off her boots and dipping her feet in the stream. Even though it was summertime in Faerghus, it was still cold as shit but Hapi did not mind. Dimitri watched her for a moment then awkwardly unbuckled his armored boots and took them off and rolled up the legs of his trousers. He sat down next to her and put his feet in the water, shuddering slightly then relaxing.

“Refreshing,” he said.

“It’s fucking freezing, you mean.”

He laughed. “Yes, that is a more accurate way to put it.”

She couldn’t resist kicking a splash of water at him, chuckling as he looked at her in astonishment. He kicked some back at her, a little too strongly, and she yelped as it soaked her legs and even splashed up to her stomach and chest.

Dimitri opened his mouth no doubt to apologize and Hapi glared at him.

“Don’t you dare. We talked about this. You’re not allowed to say sorry constantly to me the way you do everyone else.”

He closed his mouth and nodded. 

Dimitri had a thousand things he should be remorseful about and Hapi would be damned if she added to those with petty little mistakes that didn’t matter. 

“Allow me this at least,” he said and took off his cloak, setting it across her shoulders. As he did, his fingers brushed across her arm and she tensed at the unexpected touch.

“I’m sorry,” he said quickly.

She gave him a look. “Didi, come on.”

“I just know that you do not like being touched,” he replied.

“What?” Hapi glanced at him in surprise. “What gave you that impression?”

“I have known you for many years, Hapi. It was merely an observation.”

“It’s not- I don’t dislike…” She trailed off when she realized that he might not be wrong. When did she ever voluntarily make physical contact with people? She wouldn’t push a good friend away if they hugged her, but she never sought it out. “It just… to be honest, it feels strange sometimes. That’s all. I’m not used to it.”

Dimitri did not respond and Hapi suddenly felt a bit defensive, adding, “It’s not like you like it either.”

Fixing his gaze down at the stream, Dimitri replied quietly, “It is a different matter to me. I am clumsy and do not seem to ever learn my own strength.”

“So you don’t dislike it, you just don’t allow yourself to?” Hapi asked then immediately added, “Wow, that’s a really personal question. Nevermind. You don’t have to answer that.”

“It is alright. I trust you enough to allow you some personal questions,” he said. “And you are not wrong. But that is not so unreasonable, is it? I am just trying to be considerate.”

He looked so sad all of sudden and Hapi could not bear to see his mood turn grave, which it was liable to do at a moment’s notice. It was her self-assigned responsibility to cheer him up, so she gathered her courage and reached out her hand. His was resting on the grass between them and she placed her palm over it.

“Look at that, I survived,” she said with a smile. “Can’t be that dangerous then.”

Slowly, he turned his hand over so his palm was against hers and intertwined their fingers. She could feel the hesitance in his touch, the careful control. But that was not what she was struck with. At the moment, all she could think about was how warm his hands were and how comforting, how she suddenly could not bear to let go.

She realized she was holding her breath and forced herself to breathe. Her gaze strayed to Dimitri’s and she saw a strange look in his expression.

“Do you ever-” he began then paused.

Hapi’s eyes widened as she finally placed that look. It was longing, wasn’t it?

“Do I what?” she asked.

“It is nothing,” he said, shaking his head. He tried to pull his hand away but Hapi clasped it more tightly, drawing a questioning glance from him.

“If your question was ‘do I ever wish I wasn’t so fucked up’ the answer is yeah. All the time,” she said.

“That was not exactly my question, but you are not far off.”

“Well then, what was it?”

“Sometimes I get the impression – and I do not mean to be presumptuous so please correct me if I am wrong – that you are holding back on everything in life until you can find a way to be cured.”

“That’s not a question.”

“It feels very personal to ask, but I was wondering if you are ever going to stop waiting. I will do everything in my power to find a way to lift your curse, but in the meantime I wish you could be free as best you can.”

She laughed nervously. “What do you mean?”

“I have told you many times that at least around me you do not need to hold back. But no matter how close to you I become, I still get the sense that you are waiting,” he said.

“You’re right; that is pretty personal.”

“You asked me a personal question.”

“Fine. Fair enough,” she admitted. “I’m just a little less good with personal questions than you are, Didi. You’re always so honest.”

“Do you not feel comfortable being honest with me?” he asked.

Hapi looked down at their joined hands then back up at him. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

Dimitri smiled faintly at her. “I am rather unbreakable.”

“You so sure about that?” she asked, leaning a little closer. She reached out her other hand and brushed her fingertips tentatively across his cheek. He flinched and she started to yank her hand away but he caught it in his own and held it against his face.

“Hapi, I…” He leaned into her touch and his one beautiful blue eye was bright with emotion he did not seem to know how to articulate.

“I’m pretty sturdy too, you know,” she said. “And I know a good healing spell.”

She brushed her thumb across his cheek and this time he did not flinch at her touch. The sensation was intoxicating and although her heartbeat was quickening with anxiety, she could not make herself stop. She slipped her hand out from under his and moved it to his shoulder, slowly sliding it down his arm and watching the way the gesture affected him, the pleasure and hesitance that strained his expression.

“You think maybe we could, uh, learn?” she said. “You know, to get used to it?”

Her hand strayed to his chest and she pressed her palm against it, drinking in the feeling of his warm body that she could feel so stunningly and unsettlingly close under just the thin linen shirt.

Dimitri froze like a startled deer and Hapi asked in concern, “Am I bothering you?” 

“No,” he said, voice breathless and a little hoarse.

He lifted his feet out of the water and shifted to sit cross-legged on the grass. He reached out towards her and hesitated only for a moment before pulling her to sit in his lap. Even with his arms around her, he still hardly moved, keeping his hands off of her body carefully.

Growing bolder, Hapi ran her fingers across the lines of his collarbones and leaned in to rest her forehead against his neck.

“Is this alright?” she asked.

In reply, he held her a little closer, although the tension did not relax from his body. He reached up to gently cradle her head in his hand and for a moment Hapi almost sighed again at how wonderful it felt. But if Dimitri could keep control so could she. 

She rested in his arms for a while until the instinctual hesitance her body held at such an unfamiliar feeling melted away and in its wake flooded in an overwhelming need for more. She could feel Dimitri’s heart pounding and when she dared to tip her head up to face him, his mouth met hers immediately, kissing her with a starved kind of yearning.

It was more than she could handle for a moment and she threw her arms around his neck and hung on for dear life. Then her desire overcame her anxiety and she kissed him back desperately, her whole body aching to be touched.

The cloak slipped from her shoulders and she let go of him briefly to unbutton her shirt and cast it aside. Underneath it she was wearing a thin camisole that was only long enough to cover her bra. Dimitri’s hands went to her bare skin as if inexorably drawn to it, his smooth callused palms gliding across her shoulders and back.

Hapi closed her eyes and broke away from the kiss to gasp. She leaned her forehead against his and lost herself in the feeling of his breath on her lips and his hands roaming across her body. 

“I am afraid I have never told you how beautiful you are,” he whispered. “Allow me to remedy that.”

“Smooth, Didi,” she said. “You get that one from Sylvain?”

He ignored her teasing, kissing her neck and letting his hands linger on her hips. “You are perfect,” he said. “I am not sure I quite admitted it to myself until now, but I have wanted you in a way I have never felt about anyone before.”

Hapi’s chest ached with emotion and she thought her heart might burst. She moved to straddle him and took his face in her hands, kissing him passionately. Slipping her hands under his shirt, she ran them across his bare back and he arched into her touch with a quiet moan. As his lips parted, she slipped her tongue into his mouth and if she thought that kissing him felt good before it was only because she had no idea how exciting and intimate this felt.

His breath started to race and his grip on her hips tightened until it began to hurt. She kissed him deeper and suddenly his touch passed the line between pleasure and pain and she gasped, pulling back.

Letting go of her abruptly, Dimitri looked at her in alarm.

“Oh gods, Hapi, I-”

“Don’t say it,” she said, panting for breath. She rubbed at the bruises on her hips but gave him a warning look. “Don’t apologize.”

“This was a bad idea. I should never have been so reckless,” he said.

Hapi grabbed the collar of his shirt and stared at him fiercely. “We are learning. Of course we’ll make mistakes. Let me decide whether it is a bad idea or not.” When the concern did not leave his expression, she added, “Should I summon a couple demonic beasts so you can feel like we are even? Because I would rather not.”

A little of the tension eased from his body and he shook his head. “That’s not necessary.”

Lying down on her back, Hapi kept hold of Dimitri’s shirt and tugged him down on top of her. He propped himself up on his elbows and the hungry look returned to his face, his lips parting in anticipation and desire.

“You were right earlier,” she said. “I am so, so tired of waiting for some impossible day when I won’t be broken anymore.”

“Me too,” he murmured. 

“Go on and kiss me again, Didi. I can take it.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me about Hapi and rarepairs! Twitter @lalexanderwrite


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